ECLECTIC PART TIME PERSONAL HELPER

IT'S UNREALISTIC OF ME TO EVEN ADVERTISE.
THE PERSON I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AS MY PART TIME HELPER PROBABLY ONLY EXISTS IN MY DREAMS;
WHICH I HAVEN'T RECALLED BUT A HANDFUL OF IN MY NINETY ONE YEARS ON THE PLANET.
FIRST OFF: I CAN ONLY PAY "BUPKIS"AND HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE FOR A SCHMENDRICK.
IF YOU CAN MAKE SENSE OF THE FOREGOING, RUN! DO NOT! WALK TO THE NEAREST PHONE [OLD SCHOOL LINGO] AND PHONE ME IN THE AFTERNOON [I REPEAT!!] AFTER- NOON!! AT 463-0467.

P.S. BE READY TO ANSWER A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS;